It’s tech week for Romeo and Juliet. (And tix are available online at Showup.com, only $11.50 if you buy online, $15 at the door. Do the math.) Tech week basically means I have a hundred other things I should be doing other than updating my blog…

But some of those things include non-R&J related items, like homework. And revisions for ZERO (due in Spring 2012! Yay!). Also, laundry.

It’s been more than a year since I last directed a show, Talk Radio, at the now-departed Chyro Arts Venue. And like every one of the thirty-five shows I’ve directed since 1990 (starting with a terrifically maudlin and wholly angsty original play called I Want To Be Free…yeah, let that genius title sink in for a moment), it all comes down to the cast.

I don’t mean their skill or talent, which this cast has in abundance. I will always stand by my casting – any directing skill I may have is about 90% finding the actors who can make sense of my direction and do a phenomenal job despite what I tell them to do.

I had opportunities to Make Something Of Myself in theatre, both as an actor and a director, and pretty much passed them up to go it alone. I’ve never regretted those choices, though I confess sometimes I wonder “What If.” No, I’m an author of young adult novels, the best freaking job ever invented (and it was largely invented). Writing is where I belong, and I’d be doing it whether there was money involved or not.

…just like theatre.  I think I’ve been paid three, maybe four times to direct. Grand total: Maybe a thousand bucks (spread over 22 years). I do this directing thing from time to time for two reasons.

One, it’s instant gratification storytelling. I know that in six to eight weeks, I will have a completed product, a completed story. Novel writing can take two years or more from start to finish.

Two – it’s the people. The cast and crew. The audience. This R&J cast, like so many before, are just great people, period. Some actors have enormous resumes, others are making their debut. And every one of them has worked hard, laughed hard, and made the entire experience a reminder of why I love to direct plays. You become family when you produce a show. Sometimes, great and lasting friendships develop. More than once I’ve had cast members end up marrying.

Pretty sweet.

So if you’re in the area, or want to – you know – fly in for the night, then come take a look at our production of Romeo and Juliet.  (Chicks With Swords! Can’t beat that.) Hopefully I’ll get some video or photos posted to my Facebook soon.

Curtain going up…

Happy New Year!

So the holidays are officially over, I guess.  In the last three hours, I’ve been contacted to do three school visits; received word that revisions for book #2 are en route tomorrow; and had some terrible oatmeal that is threatening to ruin my night of  – wait for it – Social Distortion, live in concert.

Okay, so, the oatmeal thing is unrelated to the holidays, it’s just pissing me off.  I hate “stomach issues.” Headache, cold, flu, stroke, coronary, a face-ectomy…fine. Just don’t let me be queasy, it’s all I ask.

In other news, giant Woo Hoo’s to A.S. King, Robin Brande, and Adam Rex for various and sundry book awards this week!  Now I want one! All the cool kids got ’em…  Okay, no, seriously — one thing I am always happy to tell people about my line of work is the true awesomeness that is YA authors.  I’ve had a chance to meet so many this past year, and made great friends among them.  I love the writing.  I love the school visits.  I love the booksellers and Book Babes.  And I love that the other authors I get to hang out with now are just so friendly, encouraging, and funny.  It was enough to get a book on the shelves; to gain new friends is something I’d never considered.  Me = lucky sucka.  And congratulations to everyone on the various lists!  Well earned.

Speaking of which — authors, not belches — don’t miss the next YAllapalloza at Changing Hands on Saturday January 29!  The list of cool people who will be there is too long to list here, but hit the website, see for yourself: it’s gonna rock.

If you’re in the area and looking for a fun writing class experience, I’ll be at Scottsdale’s Mustang Library January 22 at 1 pm to teach a class.

Finally, get ready for a Romeo and Juliet like you’ve never seen.  People are gettin’ killed before the first line gets spoken.  It’s going to be awesome.  And I’m directing it!  February 25 – March 12 in Scottsdale.  Only $11 bucks when you pre-order online! C’mon, that’s sweet.  Links, photos, and more forthcoming.

Thus with a kiss, I die.  From bad oatmeal.

P.S. You are awesome.

“Happy Halloween, ladies…”

(That’s a quote from Highlander, as you know.)  In the spirit of the holiday, here’s my list of films and etc. that have absolutely scared the s**t out of me.

TOURIST TRAP
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080040/

This is either A) Stephen King’s favorite movie, or B) the movie that most terrified Stephen King. Either way, I didn’t even know King existed until about 8 years after I rented this seemingly B film after we got our first VCR, one of those monsters that is about the size of a modern day microwave. Why on earth my parents never, once, previewed a rental I made, I’ll never know.  Here is where my terror of all things animated began.  Not cartoons; oh no, we’re talking about ventriliquist dummies, manniquins, stuffed animals…anything that should not be walking and talking yet is somehow Undead.  I still have trouble watching this one.  (Of course I own it; I bought the DVD about two years before I owned a DVD player.)  These days, though, Chuck Conners (!) is more scary than the living manniquins of the movie. He pastes up a supple young lady’s face with plaster, while narrating her own death to her:  “And now the eyes…you’ll never see the sun again…it’s getting hard to breathe…you’ll die of fright long before you run out of air…”

Did I mention I was like, six?  Yeah.

DARK NIGHT OF THE SCARECROW
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082235/

This is still an awesome movie, so says me and my dad.  This one was made for TV; no gore, not that much violence really, but the ending…I remember watching this with a then-girlfriend one night, and she didn’t make a sound until the second-to-last cutaway, when she leaped into the air screaming, “NO F****** WAY!!!”  I spent about $80 on a hard-to-find copy of this gem for my dad.  Haven’t seen it in awhile; it’d probably still scare me too much at the end.  Gave me nightmares for, oh, a year?  Two?  But again, anything even remotely bespeaking of an animated scarecrow does me in.  (See also “Friday the 13th: The Series” pilot with the china doll and R.L. Stine’s Goosebumps book and TV show, “The Scarecrow Walks at Midnight.”)

TRIOLOGY OF TERROR
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073820/

The Zuni fetish doll has become a cult favorite, and for good reason.  The first two stories are yawners, largely, but the — wait for it — tiny animated doll that comes to life and terrorizes a lady with a knife…yep, there they are, goosebumps even as I write this.  Part of it was the shrieking sound effects the little doll made when he chased her around the apartment.  Beautiful.

No, seriously: I have goosebumps, right this second.

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (Honorable mention)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063350/

If you know me even a little, you know I have a preoccupation with zombies. In fact, I don’t even watch that many zombie movies because they freak me out.  NotLD deserves a special mention not because the movie itself freaked me out — it didn’t, but it’s a great f’ing movie — but because I used to sleep with the TV on in my room, and one night, I woke up just at the time the newscasters in the movie are talking about the living dead, and steps people should take to remain safe.  I was turned away from the TV and only heard the voice.  And, honest to heck, I didn’t even move.  I just lay there staring at the wall, literally thinking — I am not making this up — I knew it!  Dammit!  I told you people, I KNEW this was gonna happen!  Okay…gotta board up the windows.  Or get to the Suburban and get out of town…

Took about five minutes to realize it was NotLD.  Thanks, George.  That was kinda cool.  (And they are coming, some day, just you wait.)

THE EXORCIST (Honorable Mention)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070047/

Now, this movie was on TV (!) once when I was little, and I watched it, and it gave me exactly one nightmare, but I was like, 5.  Didn’t think much about it until I was in my 20’s, when I realized I didn’t know what all the hubbub was about, so I rented it.  Watched it in my room.  Watched the special features first (which I do as a way to nullify any potentially scary effects in the movie; now I’ve seen how it was done, so it chills me out).

Then I started the movie.  About ten minutes in, if that, I felt really weird.  Sorta nauseous.  So I shut off the movie and stood up to choose a different movie, assuming I was getting worked up from the anxiety/panic disorder I had at the time.  My head swam, and I heard a thunk, and I woke up on my floor.

Passed.  The hell.  Out.

It’s the only time in my life that’s ever happened, and it is not fun.  I have no idea if it was the movie or something else, but I will never try to watch that film again.  So I couldn’t tell you if it scared me or not.

WATCHERS by Dean R. Koontz

I read a lot of Koontz’s early work, and liked it well enough, but Watchers is something special.  The characterization was great, and his tension building up to the first time we see the creature is first rate.  I need to read this one again soon.

(And what’s up with the dropped “R”, Dean? You will always have an R to me, my friend.)

ZOMBIE: A NOVEL by Joyce Carol Oates

Not a novel about an actual undead zombie, but rather about a serial killer…from his point of view. Not scary, per se, but POV is everything when you read a seemingly insignificant line like, “I bought an icepick today.”  (Think about it.)  Oates is far too prolific for me to have read all her works, but I’ve never been disappointed when I do read her.

THE HAUNTED HOUSE AT TOWER PLAZA, 1988
Freshman year.  All I really remember is that the Thomas Mall haunted house attraction was lame, and everyone knew it, but the Tower Plaza one was supposed to be WAY scary.  I remember screaming a lot and trying to joke my through the whole event, to mixed results.  But I got a girlfriend out of it, so.  And the one at Thomas Mall really was lame.

On the way to a weekend camp to volunteer as a dishwasher, circa 1991
Everything was fine that night till we hit the deserted dirt road winding through the evergreen trees up north, the darkness pierced only by our headlights.  That’s when my “Good Buddy Joel” started whispering behind me: Che-che-che…ah-ah-ah, that notorious old Friday the 13th chanted bastardization of “Jason-kill” that we all know and love.  I coulda effing killed him myself for that one.  Jerk.

Conclusion: Confessions of a reformed horror buff.

I really did grow up on this stuff.  All the worst B-movies (Demons; Sorority Babes at the Slimeball Bowl-a-rama; the entire Friday the 13th ouvre until about chapter 7; etc.)  And I still enjoy my R.L. Stine and Christopher Pike books.  Raised myself on Stephen King through grade, junior, and high school.  So horror and I are well acquainted.

Well, we were.

These days, I just can’t stomach it anymore.  You couldn’t pay me to watch Hostel or Saw…12? 13? Whatever.  I couldn’t handle Devil’s Rejects even a little, though I tried.  Maybe it’s a natural function of growing the hell up.  Next week I’m watching B movies with some of my best friends and giving them our usual MST3K-ing.  That’s still fun.

But I don’t have a taste for the horrific that I used to.

Maybe it’s just that real life got in the way, and I prefer my escapes to be a little more tame now. Maybe after watching real-life footage of an explosion in Iraq that damn near killed one of my best friends, blowing stuff up and fighting monsters doesn’t have the same appeal.

But these old films, the old books and TV shows (World Beyond; Twilight Zone; Alfred Hitchcock Presents; old time radio dramas like Escape, X Minus One, Suspense, all those) I still love.  I can handle them.  The trend toward torture porn just makes me queasy.  If that’s your cup o’ blood, more power to ya, but I have to say, once you see those images, you can’t get rid of them.  They are in there for life.  How they could possibly be beneficial to you later on in life is beyond me.  That’s all I’m sayin’.

But when the zombies come, bet your chainsaw I’ll be ready.  That’s probably why I’m currently revising a novel about them.  (Sidebar: I did like Zombieland a lot, though.  Probably because it was about the people, not the zombies.)

Braaaaaaaains!!!

Have a safe and happy Halloween, and if you’re in town, come see Halloween LIT at Changing Hands!

This is a line from my all-time favorite, bestest-ever vampire story, One For The Road, by a little known author named Stephen King.  Seriously, if you like vampires and haven’t read this one, do it.  No romance, no sparkles, no petite cheerleaders.  Just scary freakin’ vamps. 

But that’s not the point of my discussion today.  It’s just an apt header.

We had many “eras” during my tenure at Is What It Is Theatre, but only two real “heydays.”  One was during 1999.  We had a great string of awesome plays.  The other heyday was between 2001-2004ish. 

In the ’99 heyday, in the course of production, it was normal to:

1. Construct a set in my backyard.

2. Tear down the set and a stage to move it to our performance venue.

3. Build the stage.

4. Build the set.

5. Do three shows over the course of a weekend.

6. Tear down the set.

7. Tear down the stage.

8. Transport it all back to my house.

9. Repeat steps 3 through 8 for the following week of performances.

Sometimes we only had to pile the platforms and flats in one corner, or outside the room, but either way, we were still building/tearing down/rebuilding not just a full set, but the stage beneath it as well.  That includes setting up all the lights, costumes, and props.  If you’ve ever been in a play and done a light hang, you know how much work that is all by itself.

This was not easy.  It was long, hot, and laborious, two of which might be fun with your girlfriend (HEY-O!), but not so much when you’re lifting 200 lb. platforms and stacks of lumber.

But it was fun.

There were always people helping out.  All of us were volunteers.  We’d build, we’d laugh, we’d get pizza and Super Big Gulps.  And then we got to do a play together.

Because we had our youth to spend, you see.

I know people a lot older than me who routinely do things like go to Africa and build wells in poverty-stricken villages.  My mom makes quilts for various charities.  I know The Church Ladies who sift through canned goods and donated items to give away to anyone who has need.  You’re never too old to help.

But there’s something about youth…about that time from around 15 to your mid twenties or so… where you have the energy, drive, and passion to really work hard and get some stuff done.

Do so.

I remember my former speech teacher coming back from a trip to Europe with her husband after she’d retired.  When I asked how the trip was, her husband immediately replied, “Go when you’re young.”  I laughed.  He didn’t.  “I’m not kidding,” he said.  “Go now.  Go before it hurts.”

Now, I’m not a big traveler; I was when I was young and had no responsibilities.  But believe me when I tell you you won’t have the same energy when you’re 35 as you do when you’re 15 or 25.  Now is the time to strike.  Now is the time to do all those things you want to do.  It can be traveling, or it can be volunteering, or learning something new outside of a classroom — rock climbing, scuba diving, kayaking, hang gliding, whatever.  Now is the time to help people.  To head up canned food drives, clothing or back to school drives, sling chili at a homeless shelter, read to children or people in retirement homes, recording for the blind…whatever.  Get the hell out there and do it.  You know as well as I do that there will be another super exciting video game console coming out in a year.  Wait for that one.  Hollywood’s not going away, nor its ability to get you movies you want to see.  Wait for them.  You’ve got something that needs doing.  Whatever it is, go get it.

Christopher Chantrill, an author and blogger, says this about you:

When you give young people power, they are going to change things. That is the reason for young people. Not knowing any better, they rashly enter upon careers and marriages, start churches, magazines, think tanks, and foment revolution. … We Americans have experience of this. In 1775 George Washington was an old man of 43 and John Adams was 40. But Thomas Jefferson was 32, James Madison was 24, and Alexander Hamilton was 20. … [Right now] reckless young people are thinking reckless thoughts and planning reckless deeds. Soon enough we’ll know all about them.

You have your youth to spend.  Spend it wisely; spend it recklessly.

…no matter how old or young you think you are.