Fear Street: The Wrong Number

The Wrong Number (1990) is not a horror novel so much as it is a thriller. It’s definitely a product of its time with the central conceit being about making crank phone calls on landlines.

One refreshing thing about this Fear Street book in particular is that there is no big twist. For the most part, what you see is what you get. That seems a far cry from the author who made his bones writing quick snappy middle-grade horror stories with a twist at the end.

Fear Street is definitely still for older kids, although to be frank, they are so dated at this point that younger kids might well enjoy them. (This is now officially “historical fiction.”) Then again, I don’t know if the stories are engaging enough for younger readers. As always it depends on the reader.

The Wrong Number is no more or less fun than any of the other Fear Street novels, which earns it three stars. It’s serviceable as a good YA thriller, and my biggest complaint is that while the main characters do show agency, which is nice to see, ultimately, they are not saved by any action that they take. I think if we were to see a rewrite set in modern times, the main characters would definitely save themselves.

Or, given the cynicism of our time, maybe they would just fail outright. That fear is what makes reading these old paperbacks so great, though: they take us back to a time when being scared was fun instead of a low-grade factor of everyday life. The Fear Street series still serves to give us an escape, and for that, I salute it.

 

Want to build up your catalogue of nostalgic pulp fiction?

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The Wrong Number

Castaways by Brian Keene

If you never want to read a horror novel, stop reading here. If you’re open to reading horror but unsure where to begin, message me; I’ll send you a list.

Because CASTAWAYS by Brian Keene is not for the faint of heart, nor is it an introduction to the genre. For that, there are plenty of other options. Keene knows his audience, and his audience knows who they are. If you’re not sure, you’re not part of it.

At first I wanted to lambast Keene for writing unlikeable characters, which made it hard to get into the story. Then about a quarter of the way in, I realized it’s not his fault: the setting all but demands unlikeability from its cast. The types of people (that we see on the surface) attracted to being on reality shows like Keene’s semi-fictional “Castaways” survivor-style show are exactly the type with whom Keene fills his book. Nearly all are utterly unlikeable, and I found myself anticipating the villains coming after them with great relish.

Once the reader can accept this not-so-secret desire to see the cast get theirs, CASTAWAYS gets a lot more fun. It’s a horrifying scenario and one that rings of distinct possibility. As an author, to me this book epitomizes that “What if?” question that has kicked off so many stories, horror or otherwise.

And this is horror, make no mistake. It’s bloody, it’s gory, it’s foul, it’s violent.

If that makes you perk up, then this novel is for you.

Keene understands jerks. Most of the book is populated with them. These are exactly the kind of people you’d expect to meet under the circumstances they are in. That said, there are a few redemptive changes over the course of the story, which keeps the arc moving and prevents the novel from being the literary equivelant of torture porn (though the story does share a lot in common with the genre. You’ve been warned).

To a certain degree, CASTAWAYS is a slasher film disguised as a monster movie. The monsters are still effective; they just operate more functionally like a Jason or a Michael, albeit with a different motivation. There is nothing supernatural in the book, which creates part of it’s terror.

This is, and I cannot underscore this enough, a BRUTAL book.

I wouldn’t recommend the book to non-horror readers looking to dip a toe in the genre. This novel is for the already-committed fans. Viewed through that lens, CASTAWAYS excels at what it sets out to do.

 

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Brian Keene Castaways

Midsommar: A great start that gets gory and infuriating

A young couple and their friends travel to Sweden to visit a rural mid-summer festival. What begins as an idyllic retreat devolves into a violent and bizarre competition at the hands of adherents to an ancient belief system.

 

I watched director Ari Aster’s Hereditary about a year ago, and it still haunts me. Not everyone had my reaction, and that’s fine, but I’m telling you, that was one disturbing damn film. I say that in a good way.

 

So when Midsommar came out, I hesitated; I wasn’t sure I could handle another Aster outing. The film was released in the golden days of 2019, and I decided to watch at last during October 2020, because, what’s a little horror movie compared to reality, amiright?

 

And to be completely transparent, I have not yet seen it. Not all of it. I stopped about halfway because it was getting dark and my stomach was starting to revolt on me as the film gradually got creepier and more gory.

 

I saw enough of it, though, to issue one blistering critique that ruined the film long before it hit Peak Gore.

 

The script of and performances in Midsommar at the top of the show are hyper-realistic and empathetic. We’ve all been on one side or the other of the opening phone calls. Then sudden grief hits, and it hurts to watch, because we’ve been there, too. Aster knows real grief and trauma isn’t, ironically, “Hollywood.” It is real and discordant and no one is pretty when they cry, not really. At the start, the film does a great job of “talk about anything other than what we’re all thinking,” and is worth studying because it is so thoroughly human (or perhaps so thoroughly American?). The cinematography is fantastic too (or at least, has been fantastic up to half way…)

 

New York Times review pooh-pooh’d the performance of Florence Pugh, who plays the lead as Dani, a twenty-something suffering from profound depression long before additional trauma crushes her spirit. The review reduces her to a “walking wound” after the terrible tragedy in her family that opens the film. I see the reviewer’s criticism, but disagree—as someone who struggles with depression and PTSD, I felt the depiction was spot-on.

 

So far so good, eh? Wait for it.

 

At about the hour mark, not even half way into the film, things get dark and gruesome. It was appalling and shocking and effective, all the things a sequence like that should be in a horror movie.

 

But the aftermath of this event, which gruesomely kills two people, consists of two of the male leads getting into an argument over their . . . dissertations.

 

I just want you to picture being out of the country on holiday. Hell, let’s even say you’re travelling for school, for a college degree of some kind. One day into your trip, two people are killed and the folks you’re living with all say, “Oh, sure, did we not tell you? Our bad. This is our way.”

 

Would you stick around to “study” this group some more?

 

The scene immediately after these deaths is . . . um . . . unbelievable? That’s seems too gentle a word. Like, no way in hell would these two react the way they do, and the script hasn’t given us any reason to think they would. The motivations here aren’t just weak, they are nonexistent for any reasonable human being

 

Literally: “That was really, really shocking. I’m trying to keep an open mind, though,” one says.

 

Yeah, no, bro. You fucking run like your hair’s on fire.

 

So at this point, it’s kind of hard to stay tuned in. The morbid curiosity of the horror movie fan is about all the juice I have to keep going. I quit watching about twenty minutes later.

 

Listen—sometimes people do stupid shit, thus, it’s okay for your characters to do stupid shit. An astute reader, as I like to call them, pointed out that in my novel Sick, for instance, which is entirely set inside a high school where a small group of plucky survivors (sound familiar?) try to escape to a Safe Place during a Zombie Apocalypse . . . not a single one of them ever thinks to make a try for the nurse’s office.

 

That’s sort of a mistake, I suppose. If so, it’s a mistake based entirely on the fact that in four years of high school, I never one went to the nurse’s office. I assume we had one, but I swear to God, I don’t know for sure. So yeah, maybe an oversight on my part as the author, but it could be argued in context of the story that there was no need for them to try such a risky gambit. Still . . . yeah, someone should have at least pointed out the option.

 

So that was an oversight on my part. Granted.

 

The choice made at 1h 23m or of Midsommar is not a mistake.

 

It’s a choice, and it falls so flat that I can barely stand it. It’s infuriating, really, because I’m a big fan of Hereditary (in that it freaked me out so much I’ll never watch it again. That’s high praise). While the script sets up that our intrepid Americans are in fact doctoral candidates, it in no way emphasizes the great lengths to which they’ll go to get their “scoop” story for that dissertation. Furthermore, even if the script had tried to emphasize such a thing, the fact that their reaction to the horror unfolding before them is to argue about those dissertations rather than saying, “Bro, where’s the key to the car?!” is unforgiveable from a character-development standpoint. I would be happy to go along with this premise if the script had established just how critical obtaining these degrees was to the characters, but it doesn’t.

 

Of late, and I may come to regret this, I’ve tried as much as possible to insist on realism in my horror. When I’m writing or building an outline, I try to stop frequently and ask, “Now what would someone really do here?” You can motivate a character to do just about anything, and then come up with a really fun way to prevent them from getting their goal—that’s the whole point, in fact. Midsommar does not take this approach at all. It pits graphic violence against, of all things, academia, and it just does not sell for me.

 

Let your characters be real people who have real reaction commensurate with their background. Jack Bauer and Rambo and whoever else aren’t going to have a panic attack when they shoot someone. But I would. You would, too (one hopes). Those reactions are commensurate with our experience. So if you’re going to do something that would strike most people as odd, be sure it’s backed up in the character’s backstory somewhere.

 

Don’t be afraid to ask open-ended questions of your characters when you come to these choices. You may discover some rich gems hiding. I am working on a novel that I can’t talk about right now, but: in the story, this main character was knowingly entering into a situation where she may be called upon to take a life. Maybe several. How the hell do I motivate that? What would make a person do that? What has happened in her past to make her . . . ohhhh! GOT IT!

 

See what I mean? I made a brand new discovery about her history that gives the novel a whole new resonance.

 Do this, please, whenever your can. I don’t mind mindless horror from time to time, it has its place. So does mindless YA, mindless romance, mindless mystery. Swell. But if you’re setting out to make something else, which Midsommar is clearly trying to do, then for God’s sake, motivate those characters to justify the stupid shit they do on the page.

Halloween Horror Review: Train To Busan

Train to Busan pits a band of survivors against a speeding train full of zombies.

 

I mean, really, what else is there to know?

 

The film goes on as most zombie films that have taken a class or two in pacing, letting the opening build relationships and lay out the scenario before the horror begins. By 13 minutes in, we’ve seen this all before, but the script and performances do their job, endearing us to a businessman Dad, his daughter, and their family plight, which is the couple’s impending divorce.

 

But then right around 15:00, shit gets real.

 

Suddenly the passenger train is filled with infected undead, who merrily and bloodily go about creating more of themselves as they feast on the passengers. The great physical performances by the infected deserve recognition. These impressive acrobatics are accentuated wonderfully by the music, sound effects, and cinematography.

 

There’s not much we haven’t seen before — lots of hair-raising near-misses and escapes, and wondering which of the rag tag group of spunky survivors will be next to go. (I will say when the last of them clocks out, it is pretty tragic.) The addition of the train as the primary setting gives the goings-on a nice sense of, pardon me: momentum.

 

Like many zombie flicks, the ultimate cause of the zombie outbreak is left pretty vague, although it is somewhat addressed in a quick phone call just past the halfway mark.

 

It feels, though, that mostly the filmmakers are simply building on what others have done before without adding anything particularly new to the canon. The rules are the same: don’t be seen, don’t be heard, don’t get bit, keep going like a bat outta hell for the One Place That’s Safe while Protecting Those You Love . . . with a splash of Who Are The Real Monsters?! mixed in.

 

It is not a bad thing that these tropes are well-worn. They are well-worn for a reason. If you pick up a film like Train to Busan after seeing the trailer, it’s because you have genre expectations. Those expectations are met well in Train. So while there’s nothing new here, the film is a hell of a lot of fun for fans of the genre.

 

The math is simple: If you like zombie movies, you will like Train to Busan.

 

Happy Halloween!

Movie Review: GHOST SQUAD

GHOST SQUAD is not a breathtaking work of staggering genius, nor does it appear to be designed to be. It is, however, a fairly fun romp and taste of the supernatural perfect for young kids (or older ones) who aren’t ready to go full-steam ahead in this genre. The scares are gentle, for lack of a better term, with just enough thrill to keep kids engaged.

The film follows young friends off to spend the night in a haunted house after a dare by their local bully. That’s standard old-school fare, but the film gives it a nice update. This is not IT nor STRANGER THINGS, but the performances are admirable on the part of all the kids involved.

There is what feels like a rather forced subplot and theme about dads and sons, but a surprisingly gruff showing by SNL alum Kevin Nealon actually sells the idea pretty well — again, for the primary audience. The script is not shabby at all, though the pacing is off; not slow, but off. The performances keep the film going even though the central storyline takes a bit to find its feet.

Overall, GHOST SQUAD is genuine and heartfelt and even pulls off a pretty cute ending that hits the right note for any fretful parents.

GHOST SQUAD is not recommended for adults, and nor are they its intended audience. It’s a polished version of the Goosebumps TV show from days of yore, and a less scary version of the modern, updated films with Jack Black. If your kids aren’t ready for that film, GHOST SQUAD is a perfect place to start.